Beefcake Double Feature

Movie #20, Casino Royale


Beat-up, sun-kissed Bond?


Or steely, gun-wielding Bond?

Let's have both, shall we?

On the advice of pretty much everyone I know, I high-tailed it to the theater to check out the new Bond. I've seen a little Bond here and there – I even saw the last one in the theater – but I just don't like him. Or, didn't like him, I should say. Daniel Craig's James Bond is different.

Back in high school, my Golden Eye-loving guy friends used to pose the question to us girls: "James Bond or Han Solo?" And every one of us said Han Solo. Now, maybe it's an American thing, but I would posit that girls are just turned off by the smarminess of Bond. Cheesy one-liners and presumptuous grabby hands are really unattractive, no matter how hot the guy. But Daniel Craig managed to strip the smarminess away and replace it with a suggestive mischievousness instead. I would say he added a little Han Solo to James Bond. And it works, baby.

Oh, there was a point to this movie other than the attractiveness of Bond? Well, the only other thing I really noticed was the ham-fisted product placement for Sony and Ford. Damn, filmmakers, try a little subtlety next time.


Movie #21, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

For our second beefcake pic of the night, we were treated to Sasha Baron Cohen in various states of undress. This movie was as hilarious as Maya claimed, but my question is whether I can truly state that I saw it, considering that I watched most of it in the following position: crouched low in my seat, hunched over my knees, hands over eyes, thumbs covering ears. Obviously this was the most uncomfortable viewing experience I've ever had. I imagine that it will be more fun to watch on repeat viewings, but it will never become less terrifying. Jesus Christ, some people are horrible.