We’re On Movies #88 and #89

#88 – Happy Feet
I only saw this movie in the theater because I wanted to see two movies, and I wanted to see Casino Royale, and nothing else would time out right with the pay-for-one deal. So Steve and I paid for Happy Feet and snuck into Casino Royale. I didn’t like Happy Feet; I loved Casino Royale. Here are the reasons why:
Happy Feet is about penguins who have to go to school for some insane reason and learn to sing. Even though it’s an animated movie, I had a credibility problem from the very beginning (why does it matter if a penguin graduates from school?) There are some great effects, but the color palette and surroundings are overall too bland to sustain a feature-length film. At one point Steve leaned over and pointed out the fact that the filmmakers were really banking on the fact that everyone in the theater had seen March of the Penguins.
Around the halfway point the film went off the deep end. This is when the “plot” supposedly develops. The main character penguin (who can tap dance instead of sing, as you probably know from the reviews and commercials by now) leaves his home and finds a new ice-covered land populated by different penguins. These penguins are half his size, and speak in heavy Latino accents. This was when Steve and I began to giggle nervously. I mean, you know how the characters sound when you’re playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and you accidentally stumble into the Cuban ghetto? This is how these pint-size penguins sound. It was stereotypical and embarrassing. It goes downhill from there: The Latino penguins are more materialistic than the tall penguins; they listen to Reggaeton and flirt with ghetto-fabulous penguin females. They also have a spiritual leader, who is voiced with great abandon by Eddie Murphy (that would be the black preacher stereotype). This penguin also sleeps with multiple female penguins. At this point Steve leaned over and asked me if we were watching a PG-rated movie.
It goes on and on from this point. Overall, this is a message movie, but so hopelessly muddled that I don’t even know what the message really was (other than the clear main message, which was Follow Your Heart). Skip it! I guess I hate kids’ movies, unless they’re Babe.




#89 – Casino Royale
I have never seen a single James Bond movie before in spite of the fact that I’ve seen nearly 2,100 movies in my life. In high school and college I avoided them on purpose because I was a Feminist, and everyone knows that feminists can’t watch shit like Bond movies. Well, it’s true.
I happen to love well-made action movies – this film fit the bill in spades (har har). I can judge a great action film by my heart rate. During virtually every moment of this film, I was leaning forward in my seat with an accelerated heartbeat, wishing that I could jump in and sprint alongside James Bond and somehow help him with his super-spy feats. I can’t critique this movie in light of the history of Bond films, but as a standalone action film, it’s superb.
Daniel Craig also happens to be some sort of mutant stud. He’s not traditionally handsome, but he’s ripped and can really wear a tux. The movie is long, but if you’re a fan of great action sequences, or men who look great in suits, or men who look great out of suits, or perfect biceps, watch this film.
Incidentally, four thugs walked out at the halfway point, announcing loudly to the rest of the theater that “This movie fucking sucks!” We joked with the people next to us that they were probably confounded by the dialog – there was a good 20 minute spell with no running, shooting, or explosions. You're officially warned.