Superman Returns, And I Am the Last to Know As Usual

Movie #8

Well, my summer of big-budget hero pics is complete now. This is one of those movies that leaves you with not much to say because we all know how it's going to be without even seeing it. I enjoyed myself while I was watching it, but it doesn't transcend that level of entertainment, in my opinion. It's tough to place the blame in one place, so I'll just spread it out a little:

1) As my esteemed colleagues have noted, Kate Bosworth was eggregiously miscast as Lois Lane. The part requires a little spunk - even a spark of life would do (insert my trademarked "1001 Ways Rachel McAdams Would Have Kicked Ass In This Role" speech here). Instead we get this paperdoll who can't be bothered to do more than walk and smile at the same time, and was outacted by James Marsden. OK? And can we talk about that flat ass for a second? Because, seriously.

2) Kevin Spacey hammed it up, but instead of being awesomely over the top, his scenery-chewing was just sort of pathetic. Especially because he shared most of his scenes with Parker Posey, who knows just how to hit that campy note every time.

3) I'm tired of these savant children with their eerie silence and fragile natures and weird quirks. Show me a smart and fun kid, who [SPOILER] can also throw a piano across a room [/SPOILER].

4) Not enough Clark Kent! He's almost entirely absent in the second half of the movie. I thought this Routh guy did an OK job considering the role, but his Clark rang pretty false to me. I've always felt like Superman was actually Clark Kent, not the other way around. Like the Superman thing was the real costume, and while Clark was wearing it, he got to be the cool guy for awhile. But here, it seemed much more like Clark was supposed to be the act. Maybe it was Routh's choices, or maybe that's how it's supposed to be. But Clark is what keeps Superman relatable, so his absence took that away. It's like how some people claimed that the first Spiderman movie was hard to engage in because both Spidey and the Green Goblin have masks on the whole time, so it's basically just one mask yelling at another mask. Superman feels sort of like a mask.

4b) Along the same lines - I felt like they tried to make the character too much like Batman. You know, moody, broody, doesn't say much. I know Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne is a good friend of mine. You sir, are no Bruce Wayne. Next time, let's swing a little closer to Peter Parker, and then I think you've got it.